...Just me and Myself...
w...Just Me.

mismatched to my world, tortured by the image, burned into the sky. Taught to be small while i grew larger and larger. Words of softness used to place me, set like jewels yet i hold evil like a lifeline, i play the part, i live the lie... i can only survive by blinding myself with a double edged blade though I feel its warmth. I will never see the sun -The sinner-



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w...Sunday, April 25, 2004.


Dear bloggy

lama banget ya aku ngga pernah nulis2 disini... many things happened during this time. banyak hal yg aku pgn cerita, cuman aku ga tau harus memulainya darimana

posted by Uyet at 1:38 PM




w...Tuesday, September 09, 2003.


Why I have to stuck in this dilemma? which one you gonna put your trust alot, ur bestfriend or your lover??

posted by Uyet at 10:21 AM




w...Tuesday, June 03, 2003.


Dear Bloggy...

Kamis, 22 Mei kemaren aku ke yogya. Ga lama, sehari doang. Gila ya... cuman pindah tidur, pindah mandi, pindah makan. Semua karena dia. Sebenernya sejak november 2002 kemaren aku pengen banget maen lagi ke yogya, pengen ketemu and ngabisin waktu ma dia and our friends. Tapi semua keinginan itu pupus tatkala aku sadar bahwa dia milik seseorang. Memang diantara kita tidak pernah ada komitmen apa-apa... kita cuman teman yang kebetulan saat itu sama-sama sedang berselimut kelam. Aku tau bagaimana rasanya sakit, dan aku ga mau menyakiti orang lain. Namun saat sebuah kejujuran harus ditutupi, terus terang aku muak.

Ketegaran aku luluh lantak ketika orang yang sangat aku sayangi pergi begitu saja dari hidupku tanpa sepatah kata. Dan saat aku tenggelam dalam kepedihan, aku harus kembali alami hal serupa. Sesulit itukah untuk berkata jujur? Daripada aku harus memendam kebencian yang sangat terhadapnya, kuputuskan untuk menghilang. Toh tidak akan ada yang merasa kehilangan, karena kita cuman dua manusia yang bertemu saat masing-masing sedang berselimut kelam.

Waktu berlalu. Aku sudah terbiasa untuk tak lagi bercakap denganmu walaupun aku takkan pernah sirnakan kesalahanmu. Perlahan aku mulai bisa menerima kenyataan bahwa perjalanan hatiku telah lama usai walaupun aku harus hidup tanpa rasa. Dan saat itulah kutemukan jati diriku.

Have you ever heard bout Gothic my dear Bloggy?? No, don't ask me to describing about what Gothic is coz I can't. It's too complex. But the word comes from a tribal which ever exist in East Europe during 17 - 18 century called Goth. Some literatures named it as a counter-culture in that era.

posted by Jey at 2:14 AM




w...Sunday, May 25, 2003.


Death

the rain is falling harder
the sky is growing dark
its a lovely day to go out
maybe a walk in the park

the night is when I really live
but the days are getting longer
the sun is blinding, deadly
I wish that I were stronger

I can deal with the blackest nights
and the wind blowing colder
but the rays of light through my window
make me feel so much older

I’m dying inside
what can I say
the clouds are slowly parting
and I’m fading away

like a dress left for weeks
hanging out on the clothesline
beauty draining, a withering rose
or maybe a needleless pine

does it matter anymore?
maybe it does
but is there really anything else?
a heaven above?

I’m losing my faith in love
and religion and fate
all that comforts has disintegrated
leaving behind only hate

if it has the power to kill
does it ever really die?
or does it live on in the survivors
who forever wonder why?

can there be another ending
to a story you've already read?
can your heart die of starvation
when your mouth has just been fed?

all is black and gray
the rainbow has disappeared
is this really what I wanted?
or what I most feared?
............

... miss my dark prince ...


posted by Jey at 10:26 AM




w...Tuesday, May 20, 2003.


I Lie in darkness

I lie in Darknes
thoughts of what should
have been invade my mind

I can't go back
the coffin is sealed
the agreement signed

No longer will love
pierce my heart in
its eternal resting place

At last I'm at peace
free from the pain
of life's disgrace
..................


posted by Jey at 7:21 AM




w...Monday, May 19, 2003.


It's not bout love. It's just bout me and myself. My life I've been getting through.... and yes, I'm the Goth Lady.

posted by Jey at 12:28 AM




w...Sunday, May 18, 2003.


Dear Bloggy...

Beberapa hari ini aku gampang banget bad mood. Tanpa sebab... tanpa alasan.... mhhh... posting bout love in my blog few days ago made me thinking bout me and myself.

Akan hancurkah hidup kita bila tidak ada cinta di dalamnya??? lalu bagaimana bila ternyata cinta itu sendiri tidak sejalan dengan kata hatiku?? salahkan bila aku memilih hidup tanpa cinta??

I'm tired bloQz... 4 tahun terakhir ini hidupku penuh dengan warna-warna cinta, tapi tak satupun yang mampu beri aku ketenangan. Dengan cinta aku jadi lemah... beda banget ma aku yang dulu... hidup penuh cinta menyiksa jiwaku.

Lalu salahkan aku bila memilih hidup tanpa cinta??

posted by Jey at 9:36 PM




w...Thursday, May 15, 2003.


whoaamm.. aku ngantukz bloQz... bbrp ari ini keknya kurang tidur gara-gara maen throne of Darkness. Ninjaku udah level 40 sekarang hehehe... ngebud tuh!! soalna biar bisa hunt bareng p'van dan karso. ah kemaren diajakin karso hunt di labirin, aku bolak balik dibunuh. Padahal dah jelas-jelas tau beda kastil = musuhan. Aku aja sampe ga berani pake spell jarak jauh, takut karso mati... eh aku dibunuhnya. ga ada sopand sopandnya tuh bLoQz.. !! udah aja aku lapor p'van... hihihi.. sbodo ah dicap jadi tukang ngadu... abisna emang enak bolak balik jalan masuk kastil?? pegelllllll..... :(

btw.. bbrp ari ini, aku sering ga sengaja menatap matanya p'van. He's not that calm dear... p'van ga sekalem keliatannya. Sorot matanya tajam. Seperti yang aku bilang kemaren, p'van memang berubah hehehe.. seneng rasanya aku bisa ngabisin banyak waktuku bareng dia. At least, biarpun kita bukan apa-apa... ga lebih dari teman.. I'm really thankfull to GOD for giving me another chance to cherish every moment I've had in my life...

posted by Jey at 9:33 PM